When there is nothing but the deafening silence
and all the tears have been cried,
who do I turn to now?
When you are no longer a drive away
a family away,
a home away,
who will fill the void?
When the mundane brings a madness in laughter
it will always be you that delivers its gift.
When my heart is tired from the searching
for it has been your space in which it rests,
where will I find shelter?
When I long for just one more moment
of all that is you,
that believed in me
and all of my despair hasn’t brought you back,
This is when I know,
I will have known
that you were here all along.
In silence now
but ever so real,
even while you are loving me
from a mystery away.
And when you stare at your new ocean
which is no longer mine,
I will be in every hiss of spray
that kisses your cheeks.
Every ebb and flow that runs across your path
will wash our brief gift of time across all borders
to reach you, to soothe our hearts in the missing.
Every new paint that pours on your canvas,
every new cafe and flower shop along your marketplace.
In all these things you will find me.
Behind every new butterfly bush you cherish
I will guard your heart.
and one day, sweet, perfect mother of mine,
when you least expect me
I will be at your door in the sky
ever the same
as if not but a moment had passed through us.
You are my only mother
my greatest surprise
my strongest sister
my fiercest champion
the bravest woman
my deepest belly laugh
and truest heart as ever
I am your heart.
In all ways, always,
Dedicated to my beautiful mother, whom I miss so very deeply.